A Guide to Longboarding



Oh look at me, I’m so fancy on my longboard. Gosh aren’t I just the coolest. Says my internal monologue – Never.

It’s the same when people talk about surfing. Yeah in my mind I look the real deal but in reality, you look less like beach babezzz and more like a wet animal stuffed into a sausage casing. Sometimes I get into conversations with people who are like ‘oh you can longboard’ and I’ll skirt around the subject like ‘sorry what was that? I’m sort of deaf in my right and left ear’. Or if I’m on a date with them this is usually my cue to dive in for the pash to avoid having to really answer that at all.

You see, I have mastered longboarding. I have mastered it in that I can get from A to B – without falling off. And sometimes not even that.

I’ll break…

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